Friday, May 1, 2009

Identiy Crisis

I'm going to be a mother of three. This has settled in and I'm honestly excited to be a mother of three. I am the third child...look how spectacular I am! Its all the other stuff that comes along with having the third child that scares me a little.

First off, I have to get a new car. Most people like getting new cars, but I'm not a huge fan. I still kind of miss my old Honda...don't miss the Midget though. I like my Jeep and hadn't planned on getting rid of it any time soon. We could squeeze three car seats in the back but I really don't want Raph or Colin that close to my baby's face. She will be turned around and I can't see what they would be smashing in her mouth. No thanks.

That leaves me with 2 options: a minivan (Oh Sweet Lord NOOOOO) or a large SUV. I could go midsized SUV with a third row but I've looked at those. Its the same size as my Jeep with a third row smashed in the cargo area...that seems more clown car than helpful. I don't really see myself driving a behemoth of a car but I can picture that much sooner than a minivan.

One of my old student workers was out with a coworker this week. When she found out about the new baby she said, "Oh no! She won't get a minivan and a mom haircut will she!?" NOOOOOOOOOO. I will not. I have lots of friends telling me I have to get a minivan and if I don't I will regret it. Maybe, but they are also not married to Mike. If we had a minivan (we won't) he would surely drive it off the first high bridge. So our search continues for an inexpensive (yeah right), large but not gargantuan SUV that has three rows. Not as easy as you'd think.

Secondly, I am quitting my job. This terrifies me more than the prospect of minivans and mom jeans. I feel like I will lose my sense of self. I will be Raph, Colin and little baby girl's mom, not Marcella who works for a major university. I have been thinking about all the little things. Meeting people and talking about what you do...then that awkward moment of saying you stay at home with the kids. I have had that conversation with people before. Its an almost apologetic look as they say it. Maybe its just the circles I run in...professional, university or legal. I see lots of Doctors, PhD's and the like...not too many SAHM's in there. In fact, I have no local friends who have kids and stay at home. Even if they have kids they work.

I have family on Mike's side where I'm more the odd man out...I have kids and ::gasp:: still work. I even had someone surprised to hear I was still working when I was pg with Raph. Really? What would I do? Just sit around and be pregnant? I would have surely lost my mind. Those 3 weeks of bedrest were bad enough, I can't imagine months of nothingness. I feel like I'm changing teams mid game. There is definitely an adjustment in my future. I have to find that happy medium between mom/wife and just me. I am still me, but without a title and an office. Oh, and then what do you put on forms when it says 'employer'? Do I list my children's names? Shhh, I don't want them thinking they are the boss.

I keep trying to think of the positives to all these changes that are in my future. I get to go to Raph's school and help out. I won't have to deal with rush hour or last minute dinners on work nights. I don't have to cram a weeks worth of housework or errands into my 2 days off. When the kids are sick I don't have to reschedule meetings or make other arrangements for them. I can actually use my zoo membership. I can make a whole new set of friends who are more like me. I have lots of single and/or childless friends, but it would be nice to have more friends with kids. Little darlings that never fight with my little darlings of course.

Most importantly though, I get a little princess in the house. She will be adored by her big brothers and fiercely protected by them. Doted on but not spoiled by her daddy...maybe. And an adorable sweet baby, not dressed in pepto pink with giant bows. Maybe, just maybe, someday she will play field hockey like me. Or climb mountains and crawl around in caves...oh wait, I think those are more typical BOY activities but I never claimed to be a girlie girl. Oh and just think of the shoes! I hope she wears a size 7!

This small little package will turn our house upside down and inside out but what a wonderful blessing she is. Unexpected though she may be, nothing short of a blessing.

Oh for the record, I'm totally not cutting my hair or wearing pleated jeans.

1 comment:

Erin said...

I've never been afraid of minivans. But then again, I've never really identified with cars, the ones I drive or in general. Mom jeans on the other hand... TERRIFYING.

I can't wait to meet your little girl. She's going to be PERFECT and adorable. I just know it! And you will do fine staying at home. It'll be a huge adjustment, but things will settle down after a while.

This is all so easy for me to say. Because, you know, I'm so good with change. (STOP LAUGHING.)