Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I'm going to go all Super Nanny on his ass

Colin makes me want to drink cooking wine. Seriously. I know he's 2 but damn, I can't take it anymore. He's taken Terrible Twos to the next next level. I spend all fucking day saying no, taking things away, picking up and defusing fights. Its got to be exhausting to be this bad. At least he's a good sleeper. If he did all this and didn't sleep I'd be homicidal...or just drop him off at QuikTrip. I just don't know what to do with him anymore. I suppose I could just beat him but that really wouldn't solve anything. It would just cause more problems b/c then I'd be put in jail...then again I'd be away from kids for a long long time. That might not be so bad after all. AND someone would do all the cooking.

Anyway, Colin has become that kid. You know the one I'm talking about. The one where people cluck and tisk as they walk past you shaking their heads. That poor mom with her out of control child. Why can't she just make him behave? I've tried. Believe me I've tried. What can you do when your kid is standing up in the shopping car, screaming, with a dirty face and throwing stuff out of the cart...or even worse, putting stuff in. That's how I came home with a can of generic cream of celery soup. ::gag::

I want to go all Super Nanny on his ass but I don't think I have enough fight left in me. That's all I do all day as it is. I fight with him over every. little. thing. I even choose my battles but its just constant. And when you discipline him he spits at you. Yes he spits. In complete disrespect he does that raspberry type of spit with pure venom. With that spitting I've decided to just ignore it. Kind of like when they start saying 'Shit'. Instead of making a big deal about how they shouldn't say such things (gee, wonder where they heard it?) I just ignore and they stop or just forget.

Meanwhile Raph is no angel either. I swear that boy will start his period any day now. For real. I think he could use some Midol b/c he's soooo hormonal and whiney. On the way home today he was just bitching and moaning about everything. Every.thing. Life is so unfair and everyone is out to persecute poor poor Raph. I let them get soft pretzels as the store while we were out. He threw a fit b/c they weren't cinnamon (read: sugar) pretzels and they were salt. I'm soooo mean like that. He went on and on and on about how he won't eat a salt pretzel and he doesn't like salt and there will be nothing on his pretzel to eat, blah blah blah. We come home and he makes a huge mess of de-salting his pretzel and eats it all. At this time Colin was eating a piece of cheese he got at the store before his pretzel. A few minutes later Colin finds me asking for his pretzel. I go in the kitchen to find it and Raph has eaten 80% of Colin's pretzel. WTF?! WHYYYYY? You just bitched about how he didn't want a salt pretzel then eats his own pretzel and most of his brother's. I asked him why he ate Colin's pretzel. "Because I didn't know if he was going to eat it." Duh.

Between the spitting angry tyrant and the whining bitching mope I'm not sure which is worse! Today Heidi is my favorite.

Let us FEAST!

Ahhh Thanksgiving. The holiday invented to revolve around gluttony. Its an American tradition! This week both boys had "feasts" at their schools. I didn't get to go to Colin's feast but everyone brought fruit. I think that means they feasted on fruit salad. My kids can tear up a fruit salad and I will be bringing one to our Thanksgiving dinner.

Raph's feast was more along the lines of a Peanuts' feast. You know, how Snoopy and Woodstock doll out buttered toast and popcorn? It was really cute to see all these little kids dressed as Pilgrims or Indians gathered around the table for a feast of jello, turkey sandwiches and popcorn. Some of the kids complained about the carrot and celery sticks not having a dip. They didn't eat them b/c they were too "bland". Interesting word choice for a 5 year old.

Holiday meals are always a problem for Raph. Poor kid can't or won't eat most everything that would be on a menu for Thanksgiving. Turkey? Nope. Stuffing? Are you kidding? Potatoes with gravy? Aside from the milk factor...no way in hell. Pumpkin pie will make him sick but he does love him some vegan tofu pumpkin pie. So every family dinner at the grandparents' house leaves us to question what will he eat? Usually someone will make a side of plain noodles. I swear that boy will eat plain noodles every day of the week and never tire of them.

When I'm consumed with utter frustration and despair over the lack of diversity in his diet I have to always remind myself about my mom's favorite Cella story. When I was little I would only eat white and yellow things. You know, PLAIN NOODLES, cheese, cheerios, bananas, corn and milk. All very diverse and vitamin rich...not. Then one time we are at Possum Kingdom Lake (yes that's how its spelled) and all we had to eat was fried chicken. I refused to eat it b/c it was brown, not white or yellow. I was STARVING and crying. My parents did something that if it were witnessed these days someone would have surely called CPS. They pinned me down, pried open my mouth and shoved in a piece of fried chicken. Low and behold I loved it. At that point I started to broaden my horizons on food, albeit slowly.

When I think of Raph and his noodles I just remind myself that I turned out mostly ok and will eat pretty much anything now. I do, however, draw the line and animal organs and squid b/c that's just nasty. While everyone else is enjoying their turkey with all the trimmings Raph will be happily eating his noodles and tofu pie. That is, of course, unless I decide to continue the family tradition of pinning a starving child down and forcing him to eat meat. Mwahahahahaa.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

She's cute, no?

Inspite of her purple hands she's pretty damn cute if I don't say so myself.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Our neighborhood sucks on Halloween

There are a few reasons this is so. The first being that there are a bunch of crotchety old people that live here. I have nothing wrong with old people but the high density of old people means that the vast majority of the houses don't have their lights on. That means that when you are trick-or-treating you have to walk a long way in between houses that have their light on. It would be one thing if they houses were close together but they are not. Sprawling lawns are beautiful but lets face it, when you are begging for candy you don't want to have to wait for it! The straw that breaks the camel's back...or just hurts your legs just to think about...is that our neighborhood is VERY hilly. You nearly have a coronary pushing a stroller, forget about a double stroller or pulling a wagon. The total effect is that its just not worth it to walk long distances up hill both ways to get a kitkat. So help me if they even hand out raisins that's worthy of an egging!

Raph said the witch farted and it blew up her skirt...seems he doesn't know Ms. Norma Jean

Every year we go to another neighborhood and hit up those people for candy. Kind of like busing for preschoolers. This year we went to my brother-in-law's neighborhood. They live in a New Urbanism development. Ever see the movie The Truman Show? That was filmed in Seaside, Florida the first New Urbanism development. The premise is that you can walk to anything you need since the a huge segment of the population is either too young or too old to drive. They have high density living with plentiful common areas and parks so you don't need a yard. Also, its planned out so that you can live your whole life without having to move very far. You can start out in an apartment over a business, then move to a townhouse, a single family small house, bigger house and then back to a townhouse when you are retired. All different economic strata are commingled in a pristine environment. Its nice, albeit creepy at times...hello Truman Show!
Raph as Bumblebee...the Transformer not the bug
We went to a bonfire in the common area and trick-or-treated in the high density neighborhood. It was great because there were TONS of kids running on the sidewalks and up to each house(very few cars). Many people had their lights on and even sat on their front porch with fire pits blazing. It was so nice to be around so many people enjoying the evening and laughing at the lame jokes.
What did the mummy say when he solved the mystery of the missing black cat? That about wraps it up!

Colin would only wear a costume if it came with weaponry. I think Charleton Heston is his president. He even put down his pumpkin and shot some people after they gave him candy...smart to shoot AFTER they handed over the goods.

The boys enjoyed full, heavy pumpkins, being recognised for their costumes and watching people use a potato gun. What more could you ask for!? We enjoyed short distances, flat sidewalks, few cars and a bonfire with beer. Its a win-win situation if you ask me.

Heidi promptly wiped off her whiskers but she's still pretty cute!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

My baby has purple limbs

Seriously, what is wrong with my children? I actually had to call my ped today b/c Heidi keeps turning purple. I let it go for a few days and attributed it to she's a baby and they do weird things. It kept happening so I just couldn't NOT call. Last night I noticed her hands were REALLY purple. I took her clothes off and her arms, legs, feet and torso were all dark purple. She wasn't cold, nothing was tight, she was squirmy and happy...just purple. Sigh.

At her doctor's appt the ped asked, "Now which one had purple arms before? Colin?" Yep that was Colin. We discussed how hers are different: She doesn't have a purple farmer's tan, she hasn't been sick and its just weirder. Stumped she tells me, "That's just weird. Honestly I wouldn't even know what to test. I'm going to call a doctor I know at Children's and ask him. He knows lots of weird stuff about weird stuff. She's an enigma."

All we know is that her heart sounds fine, her chest xrays from the NICU showed a normal sized heart, she's perfectly happy and normal in every other way but just turns a lovely shade of purple now and then. Paging Dr. House, we need your assistance.

Edit: We have a diagnosis. The helpful doctors in the Diagnostic Center at Children's talked to my ped. It seems Heidi has a benign condition that is a spasm of the vascular system. It seems her blood vessels to constrict and that makes her skin look purple. It resolves itself pretty quickly so its not a big deal and she will outgrow it. We just need to make sure she doesn't get cold (duh) and call them if something changes. The doctors said its more common in babies that were born early though they have no idea why its just now presenting itself. I think she just REALLY wanted to be part of the blog in the truest sense. So there you have it, she's just fancy and likes purple. My ped said she felt like it had to be something minor since she's just a normal, healthy, fat baby but couldn't just ignore it without consulting another doctor. I like when doctors are willing to admit that they don't know everything and seek the opinions of their peers until they can come up with an answer. For this I am grateful and feel that much more confident in her abilities as a doctor.