Friday, April 1, 2011

This sums up the last 24 hours....

Today I got literally STUCK in a car wash. I had to call Mike to look up the gas station's phone number. I called from inside the car wash and said, "Um, I'm stuck in your car wash, can you get me out?"

Its just been that kind of week.

The guy ran out to the car wash, turned it off and then I had to off-road my way over the tire blocks in the car wash with a sudsy car. He gave me a coupon for a free car wash and I left in search of another car wash to get the soap off. But wait...more happened so let me back up.

Yesterday afternoon I started having the tell-tale symptoms of pink eye. Remember last time someone in our house got pink eye it made its way back and forth between the boys no less than FIVE times and then of course Mike and I each got it. Splendid!

I called my eye doctors (husband and wife team) but they are on vacation. I called my primary and left a message. I dug around until I found my old glasses from circa 1997. I wake Heidi from a nap and load she and Colin in the car to pick up Raph from school. I had to go into the office because I was picking him up early to go to the doctor for a check up. While we were waiting there was a police officer and he started talking to Colin. "Is that your baby sister? Do you like to play with her?" Colin says, "Yeah and I like to hit Raph too." Glorious!

I get Raph and we head out to the ped's office. There is a line to check in...not a good sign. We are waiting and my kids are absolutely insane. I tried really hard to keep them somewhat contained but there is only so much you can do when they get that way. I at least tried to keep them from physically wrestling in the waiting room, running or screaming. Tried.

Its finally our turn and the nurse said she sprayed the room and let it air out but she was sorry for the stink. Sigh.

They get weighed and measured and I have Colin do an eye exam. He fails. Stupendous!

We go back to the stinky exam room and the boys strip to their unders. ::insert wiener jokes ad nauseum:: I don't know who gave them crack but they were all bouncing off the walls. Like climbing on top of chairs and jumping off and wrestling some more. We had been waiting an HOUR when there was a timid knock on the door and a resident walks in and starts to introduce herself. I just cut her off and said, "No. Its not happening. We can't wait for you today we need to see the doctor." Normally it doesn't really bother me that virtually ALL of our doctors are in teaching practices. Doctors gotta learn somehow but it was not happening that day. No way. She backs out of the room and a minute later the doctor breezes in for their check ups.

This is what its like trying to hold Colin...he's wrigglie and always trying to make a jump for it

Colin continues his gymnastics and falls on the floor approximately 7 times and when I tried to physically restrain him on my lap his writhing body was sweaty. Then he farted in my face.

We make it through the exam and the doctor said she thought Colin was part kangaroo. I was embarrassed but not too much because she once told me that her boys (same age as mine) have similar personalities as mine. She *gets* it.

Then Colin gets two shots. Mwhahahahahaa. First one went fine but the second one he tried to grab the syringe out of the nurse's hand. I hold him and he gets stuck again and we leave. We race out of the parking lot to get home in time for Taekwondo. I had to call the mother of the boy I was supposed to be driving to say we would not be there on time. Heidi starts screaming in the car. Yippeee!

I run into the house and get Raph's uniform and get to TKD with just enough time for him to change and line up for practice. Colin and Heidi sat nicely for about 37 seconds and they had to be removed. Seriously WHO gave them crack? When I find them I'm going to beat their asses.

I check my voice mail and the doctor called in medicine for my eye...remember I have pink eye too. Mike gets to the practice and we forcibly extract the little ones and he takes them home. I sit next to two other moms and eavesdrop. Though its not really eavesdropping if the one talks very loudly about how her brother is a "dick". Just sayin'.

After practice I take Raph home and Colin and Heidi are running laps. Again...who gave them speed? Raph eats dinner and then they are all running and screaming and fighting and its very very loud in our house. Colin ended up having one of those 45 min time outs where you keep putting him back in his room because he's screaming and throwing things and generally making everyone else miserable. He calms down and wrestles with the other two for a bit. He goes poop and calls for someone to wipe his butt. After he's cleaned up he walks into the living room and pees on the floor. At that point we sent them all to bed. And by send them to bed I mean place them in their rooms but the fighting and screaming and whining continues in dimly lit rooms.

I leave to go get dinner for Mike and I and get my eye drops. I pull up to the pharmacy and they have no record of my prescription. YEAH!!! I go home, eat my dinner and go to bed.

After one allergy attack, a nightmarish child, a bloody nosed kid and an eye glued shut I get up and look like I've been on a four day bender. I get the kids up and dressed and out the door. Colin tells me I needed to wear jeans. I had yoga pants on, judge me, I don't care. But really he was calling me out because I got rid of all of his sweat pants and I'm forcing him to wear jeans. High water sweat pants are ok now and then but not He pretty much picks up where he left off the night before and is a maniac and throws fit after fit after fit. JOY!

I drop Colin off at school and field questions about glasses. Did I mention they are the wrong prescription? I make a grocery run and Heidi thinks its fun to climb on me instead of sit in the seat. I buckle her in a vain attempt at containing her and pinch her belly in the buckle. She red-faced screams for about 10 minutes while I try to check out.

I need some 'effin vodka...

Next stop the post office. Heidi destroys a card display in the time it takes me to walk up to the counter. I tried holding her and she fought me. Put her on the counter and she tried jumping off. Let her down and she went back for the cards. I make it out of there with glares from other patrons and a baby girl who inked her face with a pen.

NOW, this is where I get gas and go through the car wash and get stuck, call the guy in the store and get sprung. I had gotten a call from my doctor's office saying they accidentally called the grocery store pharmacy not the Walgreen's I had asked for. I go to the grocery store and naturally Heidi had just fallen asleep. I wait in a long line with a dead weight baby on my shoulder. When its my turn Heidi wakes up and they say its not ready. Seems the pharmacy *just* got the fax from my doctor. They totally lied to me and said they called it in last night...nope, about 2 seconds before they called me back. Lovely. I have to leave to get Colin so I can't wait for the drops.

I put a now away and very angry Heidi back in the car. I decide to stop at another gas station for a car wash since mine has dried soap all over it. This gas station has a credit card swipe so I run my card. Declined. At this point I just start laughing hysterically. I had been talking to my mom about my day and she is laughing with me. Then she said maybe it would just rain and then my car would bubble up. Right! And then if I drive around real fast it will wash the soap off! Brilliant!

I get to Colin's school in my soap stained car and bottom out on the curb of my parking spot. AHHHHHHH! I pick up Colin and take them back home for lunch. I walk in the door and pharmacy calls....they don't have any of those eye drops! Of course they don't! She offers to call another store with the medicine in stock. Fine. I fix lunch and the pharmacy calls back. "I just wanted to let you know that those eye drops are a $75 co-pay." And that's the generic price. After I told her that its par for the course...I mean, I did get stuck in a car wash today. She said she would call the doctor's office and see if there is a cheaper alternative for me. I mean, its freakin' pink eye. How much could that possibly cost? I know Heidi had a $300 butt cream but eye drops?! Come on.

The pharmacy has yet to call back and I'm afraid to leave the house....

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