Thursday, June 23, 2011

Exhaustion. When you can'ts takes no more!

I would go back and see how many posts I have about how tired I am but that would require some effort. Its a recurring theme for the mom of young children. Its not so much that my *job* of staying home with the kids is particularly difficult, its more that its mind numbing and tiresome at times. Almost always frustrating. Now that its summer and the kids are home all day, everyday its even more exhausting.

On top of the never ending tasks like dishes and laundry and grocery shopping I now also have to keep the boys from killing each other and potty train Heidi. I've also started exercising regularly. This is a good thing and something "I've been meaning to do" for quite some time. I actually seem to have a regular schedule down and have been doing so for almost 3 weeks now. Its a nice break for me now that its summer and something to mix up the day a bit. I go as soon as the child watch is open and let the kids play or do whatever they do while I exercise.

I was hoping for new found energy but it seems to be having the opposite effect. Now I have tired muscles (a good thing) and extreme fatigue by mid day. Yesterday I didn't sit down once until about 3pm. And when I did sit down, I laid down and drooled on myself and got sheet marks. I crashed and burned for a full 45 minutes or so until Colin screamed from the bathroom, "RAPH! Flush the toilet!". Then I was up and running again and didn't sit down again until after the kids were in bed.

I'm hoping that eventually this new exercise regimen will help my sleeping as well. I've never been a particularly good sleeper but I'm in a rough patch right now. I'm so freakin' tired during the day and get my second wind in the evening. I go to bed and stay awake for hours sometimes. Or if I do fall asleep within an hour of going to bed I wake up 42 times over the course of the night and sometimes it takes a good long while to fall BACK to sleep again. I seem to hit my good sleeping stride right around 5 am. Mike's alarm will go off around 5:45 and the kids start getting up around 6:00 or 6:30. Of course Mike is in and out of our room getting ready for work and pitter patter of little feet keep me from fulling back to sleep for very long. Or, like yesterday, Heidi will wake up at 5:05am and never go back to sleep again.

So, I suppose its not terribly surprising that I'm tired but I'm mentally exhausted as well. Just the sheer volume of work that is required on any given day to keep this house running is amazing. I seem to have things under control for about 5 and a half minutes out of any day. The rest of the time I feel like I'm treading water and barely getting by. I think that mentally drains me and wears on my soul.

Other big/small things have been majorly frustrating for me lately too. We had to buy a new washer. And a new fridge. It took THREE tries to get a fridge in our kitchen that both fit and worked at the same time. ::beats head on wall:: Then we found out that Heidi is allergic to sunscreen. Because her other allergies are not enough lets add sunscreen, a daily summer staple to the list as well. Fortunately we were able to find some that work for her. Its old school zinc oxide and titanium dioxide that leave that white film on the body. Its better than sunburned or covered in a rash right? And there's also the almost broken toe for Colin. He hurt his foot, cried and barely hobbled around for 2 days and it was miraculously cured while we were in the waiting room for the doctor's office. Hey, at least we didn't take him to the ER on Father's Day like we considered doing!

Potty training Heidi is a necessary thing. I loathe potty training but it must be done. She's been doing a great job, especially considering she's not yet 2. Its work though. And I don't have lots of free hands or time to assist her in her training.

Then I go and do something stupid like I did this morning. We were at the grocery store and the boys were using some of their own money to get candy. I let Heidi get a bag of candy corn to use as pee prizes. She's had candy corn before and really likes them. They are small and perfect for a prize. We get home from the store and she peed and I gave her 3 (the boys were eating their candy so she got a couple extra for her effort). Then I think, "Hmmm, let me see what's in these." Well shit. Its made with freakin' egg whites. Who knew? Every kind I've seen is spun honey and food coloring. I now have a baby girl begging for more toxic candy and I give her Benadryl and hope she doesn't bust out in hives. Sigh.

We get changed for the pool and the boys go for swim lessons. By the time we come home Heidi is a sobbing puddle. She is just having a rough time and eats a bit but just keeps crying. I think, for once, one of my kids actually gets drowsy from Benadryl like a normal human being. I pin her to my chest and sing to her while I rock her screaming and writhing body. Half way through my song she goes limp and is snoring. Bless her heart, she's exhausted. I know the feeling honey and I hope you have a good nap and I promise not to poison you again.

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